Who Am I?


By Shawny Patrick

I start my day early. Rushing to get ready. I have a long day at work ahead of me. I know I will be on my feet all day and likely work through lunch. I take my few moments of silence in the morning. I happily set my phone up to read me scripture as I get ready. This is my solitude.

Who am I?

I'm a Christian.  I’m a believer in God. I trust he knows me more intimately than anyone. I know he’s got my back today. Scramble to finish up, make a lunch, warm the car, wake the kids, it's time for school.  I prep the crock pot or lay out meat to defrost. Scribble a note, “Please! Clean up the kitchen when you get home!”

Who am I?

I am a parent, life seems to rush by me sometimes. Everyday my kids are older and life changes right before my eyes. Jump in the car off I go to begin my day of caring for others. My day is a fuzzy mess of anxiety, questions, fast pace walking,  clean, set up, repeat. Questions are never ending. My name is constantly called. 8, 10, 12 hours all ready!!

Who am I?

I’m a supervisor and caregiver. I love working and find so much fulfillment in it. I spend so much of my day working; throwing so much of myself into it I often wonder if my family suffers for it. I go through the week working, parenting, planning lessons for Sunday school and studying for yet another class I have taken to further my education.

Who am I?

I'm tired! The weekend comes with a much deserved rest! I'm determined to sleep in. 5:00am comes very quickly and I’m wide awake. Come on body I want to sleep! Up I go to start my day off. I throw in laundry, tidy up the house, and before I know it I find myself working away in the yard or on a home project.

Who am I?

I’m a creature of habit. Daily I keep myself busy with a fast paced hustle and bustle I have become all to use to. Working away until the evening. When I finally settle I realize how much more I have to prep and get ready for tomorrow.  It’s Sunday! Ready my lesson plan and all my activities. I start to build up my pep and energy, after all, teens like to be entertained. I love teaching the teens they give me so much happiness and what a zest for life I see in them. Our future generations right before me and I get to speak into them for a whole hour.

Who am I?

I’m a youth pastor. Shaping the kids, hearing their stories and telling a few of my own. Ever fulfilling and a bit tiring I’m more than grateful to head home. Maybe some grocery shopping, family dinner for whoever shows up. The door is always open and we never quite know who will come by. I know I will make more than enough so that whoever joins our family table tonight will know there is always a seat with dinner ready here for them.

Who am I?

I'm God’s soldier, even if that means I’m here as a mom to all making sure they have a family dinner to come to. Whatever shape I take I minister however needed all the glory to God.
The weekend ends so abruptly and already we are planning for Monday. The weekend was so quick and over far too soon. Time to set the alarm clocks and fall back into the ever habitual pattern we have acquired. Time for work, Monday is here!

The news is buzzing all around. A change is coming, panic is forming, people are dying, should I be scared? A pandemic they say; a what! Work shuts down, emergencies only, schools are closed? People say it’s crazy outside, no toilet paper to be found. Laughable I find it, so uncertain of what’s coming, I don’t want to believe the hype. Calmly I call my oldest child’s doctor. They tell me it’s true. Here’s what the plan is. Video appointments and 90 day supplies of meds all shipped directly to you. Your daughter is very high risk, quarantine now! Baffled and unsure.

Who am I?

I'm a parent! I’ll be a nurse at home and protect my family. Keep us safe to keep her safe. How hard can it be? To the store I go I’ll just grab dinner and a few essential items. The parking lot is so full, people everywhere. Shelves are empty and not much to be found. Are the zombies coming I think? This is insane! I grab what I can and approach a register. Baffled, that the line is three times larger than normal.

Who am I?

I'm confused. Though I’m adamant that I will be patient and kind to those working the line who seem tired, concerned, and abused.  People rushing, kids scared. My life has quickly become a series of Zoom meetings. Zoom for school, Zoom for work, Zoom for church, will it end? Zooming is over, time to make calls. My friends, family, are you ok? All too quickly we are socially distanced.

Who am I?  

For so long I have worn so many hats. Now I hardly brush my hair. Perplexed, I sit daily searching for motivation. Day to day it drags the same. The day seems constant.

Who am I?

I’m depressed,  I’m alone, I’m afraid. Snap out of it I yell! You can do this, come on! My hats have been many and all life consuming. Without them I have lost who I am. Time to search, time to find, time to remember, and remind. I am a Christian! I am a Mom! I am a caregiver! I’m crafty and creative! I’m a collector of items and junk unknown. I start to purge, purge the closest, the cabinets, stretch to the yard. I’m cleaning up, I'm making progress, I’m starting to feel better and it’s hard!

Who am I?

I’m determined.  You won't beat me. I'm strong. I will conquer this feeling and win! Finding happiness in each other and enjoying the much needed family time. The house feels cozy, quiet, and clean I might add. I haven’t lost any hats. I just put them on the hook. I’ll pull them on another day as needed. They aren’t lost and I no longer feel depleted. I know who I am, I’m so many things. I can be them all . It was just time for a rest, time to re-fuel, time to become myself again and so much more!

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